Me: So what happened now?
SourthernComfort: Same shit, different guy.
Me: What do you mean?
SC: Same thing over and over again. I’m never dating again.
Me: [Thinks: Oh, God. We’ve been here before.] Can you be more specific? Fill in the blanks? You know, the whole Dickens.
SC: Just got back from a date. It was horrible. The guy was a liar and a jerk.
Me: And you’re upset. I’m sorry. What happened?
SC: He lied to me. Here I am thinking I’m going to meet someone I’ve been chatting with for the last three weeks and come to find out the guy’s a cheat. He’s nowhere near what he said he looked like. No way close to what I was expecting. Total freak!
Me: And you met this guy where?
SC: . . .
Me: And how did you meet this guy? Bar? Gym?
SC: I don’t want to hear it.
Me: <— not saying a word.
SC: I can feel you judging me.
Me: Online? It’s all in your head. I’m not thinking anything other than I’m sorry. Shit happens. That’s all.
SC: But if we were sitting across each other and not typing a long conversation online you’d say what…Me: I’d give you a cigarette, light it for you, and we’d sit there and bitch about men. Then I’d tell you not to do it again.
SC: So there it is. You’re judging.
Me: No. No. I’m thinking back to when I used to do that. I remember when I went online thinking I’d meet cool people. I did. Once in a while. But for the most part it was a party line. Hooking up. You know, the sex thing. It was no different than being in a bar. Without the smoke though. I wasn’t smoking then. I just got tired of it after a while. I figured it wasn’t for me. It works for others but, I’m not sure that’s how I want to meet someone. I like to meet guys the old fashion way: in a public bathroom or the park.
SC: Ha, ha. >:-(
Me: So what did he do? Did he send you someone else’s picture?
Me: Was he older than he said he was?
Me: Did he lie to you?
SC: Not really.
Me: Not really? You said he was a lying sack of shit.
SC: It was him, but it wasn’t him.
SC: He wasn’t who I thought he would be. You’d never guess from his picture he’d be SO different.
Me: From his picture?
SC: Yeah. He’s really cute. HOT!!! Just my type. But when I met him it was wrong. Nothing worked. He was this quiet, shy, really introverted guy. It’s like, he was so chatty online and really good with texting. But when you get to meet him, it’s like there were no words coming from him. I did most of the talking.
Me: Don’t you always?
SC: Ha-ha! Not funny!
Me: So all he did was burst the image you had in your head about him from your phone conversations, e-mailed pictures, and texts.
SC: Whatever. I don’t know. I thought he was a nice guy. We had so many things in common. We chatted for hours. He texted me every day. I couldn’t wait to get home to speak or chat with him. I was–
Me: Baby, everyone’s beautiful when they’re a 12 point screen font. Everyone’s hung and gorgeous online. No one smells or has bad breath when they type. And every picture you get has been carefully edited for content.
Me: Besides, he never had a chance.
Me: He never had a chance. You built so many expectations and fantasies about him from your exchanges there was no way he could live up to any of them. Your soulmate couldn’t have lived up to your expectations. The guy you wanted to meet existed only in your head. Of course you’re going to be disappointed. I’m wondering if you measured up to his fantasy about you.
Me: Has he written to you today?
Me: Has he called or chatted with you today.
Me: Then he’s probably just as disappointed with you as you are with him. You probably burst his fantasy about you.
SC: So now there’s something wrong with me?
Me: Not at all. All I’m saying is that it’s hard, not impossible, to meet someone and hit it off from just a few conversations, texts, and chats. Look at all the people we know. Look at Cuate. Please! Have you ever met anyone who made it work like that? Do you know anyone who met someone for a sexscapade and are now picking china and buying furniture in IKEA?
Me: You’re alright. And chances are he is too. So he’s not the right one. Neither are you. For him that is. So it was not what either of you expected. You just made too much of it in your head. A lot of times what we want and what we get are two different things. BELIEVE ME. Often the two never meet. And when we have expectations, it’s hard for anyone to live up to them. Even ourselves.
SC: So there’s nothing and no one for me.
Me: There is. And plenty. I’m sure of it. You’re a great guy. Trust me. Maybe you’re looking in the wrong places. Don’t go looking for it; let it find you instead.