The notion or possibility of dating anyone, let alone hook up for sex, while appealing at some level, leaves me feeling exhausted.


LJ, as he goes by on Gruff, is a handsome Panamanian I have been chatting with for a couple of days. LJ is funny and playful; he likes to flirt. Today, he is in London on business. I was surprised to get a message from him on Gruff, but I did not make a lot of it. I replied to his greeting, keeping things light, but without any overt indication of interest on my part for us to meet when he returns to South Florida.

It’s not that I’m not interested in meeting LJ; it’s just that at this time, if anyone were to ask me what it is I’m looking for, I’d say I’m interested in meeting people and making friends. Nothing more.

I wouldn’t be lying if I said this to anyone. At this point what I really need is a friend, or a couple of friends I can go out and enjoy myself with. Good friends are hard to come by these days, and most people I speak to about this in South Florida agree with me. Even my best-friend warned me about Miami’s tough crowd when I moved back a few years ago. “It’s not the same Miami you remember,” she warned. “People are ruder, louder, and harder to get to know. Everyone’s set the bar high for everyone else, but no one’s done anything about it for themselves.”

When I talk to acquaintances, they all say the same thing: if you’re not rich, driving the latest Lexus model, and living in Brickell, you’re nobody. And if you don’t have the abs to show for it, then you might as well retire to Naples or Pensacola.”

The notion or possibility of dating anyone, let alone hook up for sex, while appealing at some level, leaves me feeling exhausted. I don’t want to go through or put up with the effort of flirting and putting myself in a situation that will yield little for me. Certainly, a sexual fling would be pleasurable. If I wanted that and only that, there are plenty of opportunities for it an hour’s drive away in Wilted Manners. But after last year’s dating debacle, even that seems like a lot of work. I’m just not interested.

I may be feeling tired, or having a carb-crash where all I want to do is nap and wake up in time to watch an episode or two of the Good Wife. I don’t see the point of going out of my way to meet someone just for sex. Instead, I’d rather meet someone I have enough in common with to hope for a second meeting and possibly go out to dinner some time after that. A day at the beach would be nice. Then maybe a movie, a few weekends where we get to know and make each other laugh. Then after that…I can’t even think that far…

This all brings to mind the musical number in Blazing Saddles where the brilliant Madeline Kahn, playing Lili Von Shtupp, complains about how “Tired” she is of “playing the game, again and again…” I feel the same way.

It would be nice if one day someone not hailing from the other side of the world, or visiting South Florida for the weekend, returned a Gruff message that yields a friendly “Hello” and becomes the start of a life-long friendship; but for now what I look forward to is another night at home, hugging my body pillows, while I shop for shoes online.

About the author Walter

Walter lives and works in and around South Florida. When not practicing or studying acupuncture, you can find him at one of Miami’s beaches, or in a coffee shop lost in the pages of a good book. Walter enjoys diverse interests such as reading Tarot, practicing Qi Gong and Tai Chi, learning Buddhist dharma, practicing shamanic healing, writing for his blogs, reading Oriental philosophy, traveling to new places and old favorites, exploring contemplative photography with his iPhone, sitting quietly in meditation, practicing healthy fitness, and promoting wellbeing.

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  1. I sincerely believe this problem is universal. Just before I met my husband, Aaron, I told myself to just forget about a relationship and focus on the friends that I had and family. Then I met Aaron and now we’re married. Don’t give up, Walter! Naked hugs!

    1. Thank you my friend. I know, if we lived closer, we’d be good pals. Keep calm and hang free. Naked hugs to you too.

  2. I’m now sixty. I’ve been single for about four years. I’ve had a string of first date fiascos. It’s easy to hook up for sex but it’s hard to find a guy to spend time with doing other things like dinners in and cuddling. I hear your pain.

    1. I’ve grown fond of first dates where we both recount first date fiascos. It makes for interesting conversations and a good way to share scars. I’ve been single for 9 years; cuddling is what I miss most (among other things).

  3. I always hoped I’d be able to meet you some day and then you moved way down south. As with renudepride, I am sure we’d be good friends. Are there any gay male SOCIAL groups in the area, non-sexualized meetings where you can go for an evening and just be with men without any pressure? You’re a great guy and you should have friends if only you and they can find each other.

    1. I feel the same way about our long-distance friendship. Were we to live in the same town, we’d share many a pot of coffee and good laughs. There are some social groups in the area, most of which are in Wilted Manners, an hour’s drive from where I live. I hope to move closer to the area eventually, at which point I’m sure there’ll be plenty of harrowing stories to share. And some rather good ones too, of course. 😉

  4. Follow your heart it has no fences. Recently widowed of a relationship of 23 years. It is coming up to the year anniversary of his death from a massive stroke. I was extremely lucky to have a soul mate where we never go sick of each other and only had 2 arguments in 23 years which one was a misunderstanding. I am not looking but would like friends as you do. Hard to find. There is always some criteria even for friendship where it has gotten ridiculous. I try to accept people as they are and even then I come across a lot of shallow people. I’m sure a friend or two will appear quite out of the blue for you.

    1. My heart and best wishes go out to you with thanks for your generous and brave revelation. From your writing, poetry, and imagery I am certain we would be great friends. This is one of the many reasons why I returned to blogging. It gives me a chance to meet and interact with people I wouldn’t otherwise meet and get a chance to know. Thank you for following me.

      1. Thank you Walter 🙂 And you’re welcome I’m sure we would be great friends

  5. I totally hear you. I have pretty much given up on meeting that “certain someone”. I try not to think about it too much and maybe that’s not good as I should be more active in seeking out dates, but I just am not quite ready to go through it just yet.

    1. I think when we’re both ready, it will happen. Or at least, I’m hoping.

  6. I could count the number of good friends I have on 2 or fingers and I see neither as much as I would like. I’ve never been a big reader but I joined a book club recently. Its local and I met a couple of people (one a man and one a woman) who have been great fun outside of the group. Try something different? You might be surprised what you have in common.

  7. Oh dear… I’m living exactly what’s you’re saying here as I’ve been in the same place for ages.. If not years. The London scene isn’t any better, and I’ve been actively ignoring it by staying local (which is quite far from central and where the gays hang out). I truly do need to make more of an effort before I turn into a crazy cat lady lol

    1. Having found and read through your posts, I have a feeling we’d be good friends if we lived closer. I had plans to visit London earlier this year, but the plans fell through. Maybe in the fall I’ll fly across the pond for a visit. When I do, I’d be happy to sit with you for a cup of tea so we can commiserate about the types of pet who’ll keep us company in later years. 😉

  8. quite right. A book and a snort beat the dating game by a country mile.

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