LJ, as he goes by on Gruff, is a handsome Panamanian I have been chatting with for a couple of days. LJ is funny and playful; he likes to flirt. Today, he is in London on business. I was surprised to get a message from him on Gruff, but I did not make a lot of it. I replied to his greeting, keeping things light, but without any overt indication of interest on my part for us to meet when he returns to South Florida.
It’s not that I’m not interested in meeting LJ; it’s just that at this time, if anyone were to ask me what it is I’m looking for, I’d say I’m interested in meeting people and making friends. Nothing more.
I wouldn’t be lying if I said this to anyone. At this point what I really need is a friend, or a couple of friends I can go out and enjoy myself with. Good friends are hard to come by these days, and most people I speak to about this in South Florida agree with me. Even my best-friend warned me about Miami’s tough crowd when I moved back a few years ago. “It’s not the same Miami you remember,” she warned. “People are ruder, louder, and harder to get to know. Everyone’s set the bar high for everyone else, but no one’s done anything about it for themselves.”
When I talk to acquaintances, they all say the same thing: if you’re not rich, driving the latest Lexus model, and living in Brickell, you’re nobody. And if you don’t have the abs to show for it, then you might as well retire to Naples or Pensacola.”
The notion or possibility of dating anyone, let alone hook up for sex, while appealing at some level, leaves me feeling exhausted. I don’t want to go through or put up with the effort of flirting and putting myself in a situation that will yield little for me. Certainly, a sexual fling would be pleasurable. If I wanted that and only that, there are plenty of opportunities for it an hour’s drive away in Wilted Manners. But after last year’s dating debacle, even that seems like a lot of work. I’m just not interested.
I may be feeling tired, or having a carb-crash where all I want to do is nap and wake up in time to watch an episode or two of the Good Wife. I don’t see the point of going out of my way to meet someone just for sex. Instead, I’d rather meet someone I have enough in common with to hope for a second meeting and possibly go out to dinner some time after that. A day at the beach would be nice. Then maybe a movie, a few weekends where we get to know and make each other laugh. Then after that…I can’t even think that far…
This all brings to mind the musical number in Blazing Saddles where the brilliant Madeline Kahn, playing Lili Von Shtupp, complains about how “Tired” she is of “playing the game, again and again…” I feel the same way.
It would be nice if one day someone not hailing from the other side of the world, or visiting South Florida for the weekend, returned a Gruff message that yields a friendly “Hello” and becomes the start of a life-long friendship; but for now what I look forward to is another night at home, hugging my body pillows, while I shop for shoes online.